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You must feel bereaved about the life you thought you were going to have. I sympathise about the sex as well, I live without it because my marriage has gone into meltdown, but I like and miss it as well - it's important.I remember reading an interview with Christopher Reeve and him saying he absolutely wouldn't tolerate it if his wife had sex with another man and thinking that was dreadfully unfair, she was only about 30 and condemning her to a sexless life forever didn't seem like real love to me.Whether you love him or not is hardly the point, it must be hard to know.You need to find a way to work through your feelings properly so you can work out how to go forward without all this guilt and confusion.Then maybe get in contact with others in your position. Plus, I wonder if you could deal with the daily guilt if you did leave....I think it would destroy me, but I would also have the same feelings as you. Talking to as many people in your situation and a therapist will really help you get your thoughts straight. You've obviously been through so much and been really strong helping him go through the initial adjustment and the depression that accompanies it.(and, just to be clear, I don't mean that in a horrible way)Perhaps, whilst dealing with and adjusting to the changes with your lives you haven't had time to deal with it yourself on a personal level.Would some counselling help you look at whether your feelings have changed towards your DH or whether they've just been lost underneath whats happened?
Are there support groups you can look into for people who have to adjust to living with someone with a spinal injury?People on here are great, but it's a problem few can identify with from personal experience.It's not just your husband whose life has been shattered, yours has as well.Can you separate yourself from any caring role you have had to take on?Can you talk openly about sex - you can find ways to have a sexual relationship with someone which is not reliant on the old fashioned ways , and there are professionals who specialise in supporting / advising yo.