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So very quickly — really about six weeks into this research — I ran into this unnamed thing that absolutely unraveled connection in a way that I didn't understand or had never seen.

And so I pulled back out of the research and thought, I need to figure out what this is. And shame is really easily understood as the fear of disconnection: Is there something about me that, if other people know it or see it, that I won't be worthy of connection?

But "Black Mirror" usually has more novel things to say. Season 3, Episode 6: "Hated in the Nation" It's disappointing that "Black Mirror" Season 3 -- one of the best TV seasons ever -- ended with a story that feels a little like "Sharknado." Great acting, though, and it can be taken as a friendly reminder not to cancel people over tweets.21.

Season 5, Episode 2: "Smithereens" Topher Grace's lovely performance as a tech guru who hates beeps, bloops and push notifications as much as you do saves this from being a pretty run-of-the-mill hostage drama.

And the first words that came to my mind were "whole-hearted." These are whole-hearted people, living from this deep sense of worthiness. And I want to separate courage and bravery for you for a minute.The things I can tell you about it: It's universal; we all have it.The only people who don't experience shame have no capacity for human empathy or connection.At one point, people were sending me journal pages and sending me their stories — thousands of pieces of data in six years. I kind of understood, this is what shame is, this is how it works.I wrote a book, I published a theory, but something was not okay — and what it was is that, if I roughly took the people I interviewed and divided them into people who really have a sense of worthiness — that's what this comes down to, a sense of worthiness — they have a strong sense of love and belonging — and folks who struggle for it, and folks who are always wondering if they're good enough.

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